


This was meant to be easy.

by Kivea



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Babysitting, Comedy, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Miscommunication, Teenagers, boys being dumb, romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13035048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kivea/pseuds/Kivea
Summary: Stan sighed as he looked across the table at two of his best friends sat on the couch. Kenny sat on the left, huddled up against the arm of the chair holding a pack of frozen peas to his bruised jaw. On the right was Kyle, arms crossed sitting stiff as a board with a face as red as his hair.He sighed again from his place standing in front of the TV. This was ridiculous.“Does anyone wanna explain to me what happened?”--Based on the prompt: I'm sorry I got way too into playing house and kissed you passionately.





	This was meant to be easy.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for this fic came from http://meetcuteproject.tumblr.com 
> 
> I wanted it to be longer, and I did a couple of drafts of this, but it felt complete as it was so I didn't try to expand or anything.

Stan sighed as he looked across the table at two of his best friends sat on the couch. Kenny sat on the left, huddled up against the arm of the chair holding a pack of frozen peas to his bruised jaw, obviously pouting and looking far too sorry for himself. On the right was Kyle, arms crossed sitting stiff as a board with a face as red as his hair and his brows pulled together in a classic Broflovski scowl, glaring at the coffee table.  

He sighed again from his place standing in front of the TV. This was ridiculous.  

“Does anyone wanna explain to me what happened?”  

He was met with silence.  

“Great.”  

They had been babysitting. It had been Cartman’s idea; to set up a little nursery in his basement full of toys so that the parents who wanted to have their Christmas party could drop their kids off along with a moderate charge. He played the part of sensible, kind teen well, with a full poster that listed games and times that the children would go to bed.  

There were twenty kids, and four of them. How hard could it be? Cartman had argued. Teachers do this  _all the time_ on their own. It would be a breeze, and by the end of the night they’d each be a hundred bucks richer.  

Kyle hadn’t been convinced from the start. He’d arrived with a list of everything they’d need to set up a night for kids, filling in the gaps with parents that Cartman had missed and insisting that parents provide sleeping bags themselves for each child, along with a list of dietary requirements. He spent the whole time preparing going through every reason why it was a bad idea.  

Stan and Kenny shrugged it off, the latter looking forward to it. He was always good with kids, and he’d been allowed to bring Karen along to help out with making the food before she went to her own Christmas party.  

None of them expected the problem to come from themselves.  

“Look, I get it,” Stan tried to appeal to his best friend. “You’ve been real stressed about this night for weeks, dude. I’m not going to hold it against you.”  

“Oh, piss off,” Kyle snapped. He didn’t launch into a speech. He didn’t expand. That was it.  

This was weird.  

“Alright,” he turned to Kenny. “You okay, dude?”  

“Yeah,” the blonde drawled. “I’m fine.”  

That response was pretty normal. Kenny had never been overly talkative, and was quick to brush off any injury he had, saying he’d had worse.  

The door to the basement flew open and Stan gripped the bridge of his nose, dreading what was about to come. Kenny gave the fourth member of their group a sparing glance, while Kyle’s glare intensified.  

“A little birdie told me,” Cartman started. “That  _mommy_ and  _daddy_ are having a fight.”  

“Fuck off, Cartman!” Kyle was on his feet in seconds, fists balled at his sides. “No one asked you, alright?!”  

“Oh-ho-ho! Are you going to punch me now? Here I was thinking you were just a domestic abuse kinda guy.”  

“Cartman,” Stan tried to keep his tone level. “You’re not helping.”  

“We’re out of cheesy poofs.”  

“Probably because you ate them all,” Kyle snapped.  

The larger boy  _grinned_. “You know, usually, Kyle, I would get mad at you for such an accusation. But I’m feeling  _generous_ today. It mustn’t be easy to be stuck in a gay little triangle with-!”  

“Cartman!” Stan insisted. “Go get your cheesy poofs and go back to the kids, they need supervising!”  

The teen preened as he disappeared into the kitchen. Silence fell across the room again and Kyle slumped back down in the couch, looking at least a little less high-strung after taking some of it out on his usual verbal punching bag. Cartman hummed away happily when he came back into the room before disappearing to the basement.  

“Alright,” Stan tried again. “Are you going to tell me, or are you going to make me go down there and ask Cartman what happened, seeing as apparently  _he_ knows.”  

“He wasn’t there!” Kyle argued.  

“Yeah, but the kids were, and they must’ve told him.”  

The redhead huffed.  

“Anything?”  

They may have had a fight, but they were on the same page on this whole keeping quiet thing.  

Stan clapped his hands together and began to walk. “Guess I’ll just find out-!”  

“Fine!”  

He stopped, looking back to his best friend. Kenny’s eyes had bugged out at the exclamation, face slowly reddening with embarrassment.  

“I’ll tell you.”  

“Great,” Stan returned to standing in front of the TV. “What happened?”  

“We were…” Kyle trailed off, scowl fading as he closed in on himself. “We were playing house with some of the kids, and they made us the mom and the dad, and then…”  

He gestured for Kyle to continue.  

“And then I punched Kenny by accident.”  

“You  _punched_ Kenny by  _accident_?”  

“Yes.”  

“You’re a fucking awful liar, dude.”  

Kyle threw his hands into the air with a frustrated groan.  

Kenny finally spoke up, dropping the bag of frozen peas that were looking a little thawed onto the table. “We were playing house, and I got way too into it. Can we just leave it at that?”  

“You got too  _into it_?” Kyle repeated with a glare. “Are you kidding me?”  

“I’m sorry, alright?! Jesus Christ, if I knew you’d make such a big fucking deal about it…”  

“Then what?” Kyle demanded. “You would’ve asked for a different partner? Maybe you would’ve rather have had Stan, huh?”  

“You wanna bring Stan into it?” Kenny snarled back. “I think we both know if someone would rather it’d been him it would be  _you_.”  

The dark haired boy began to panic, eyes flickering between the pair as he quickly lost control of the situation. “Wait, what?”  

“Real mature!” Kyle completely ignored him.  

“Me?! At least I don’t freak out over a kiss!”  

What the fuck was going on?  

Kyle was on his feet again. “You can’t get mad at me about that!”  

“I’m not!” Kenny pressed. “I’m mad about the fact that kissing me is so revolting that you punched me in the face!”  

“You took me by surprise!”  

“ _Stop_!”  

The pair ceased, finally turning to face the Marsh boy.  

“What are you on?” Stan questioned as he looked between the pair. “Why are you talking about kissing?”  

Kenny went back to pouting.  

“We were playing house,” Kyle started. “And Kenny and I were the mom and dad, and then he got way too into it and shoved his tongue down my throat!”  

“And I said I’m sorry!”  

Stan held up his hands, staring up at the sky and praying for some strength to get him through the night. Kyle sat down again with another huff. He took stock of the situation; seeing two of his best friends on the couch with matching faces flushed with red and scowls, though the bruising on Kenny’s jaw was coming through nicely.  

“So Kenny kissed you,” Stan tread carefully as he spoke. “And you punched him, right?”  

Kyle nodded.  

“And I guess you think that was kind of overkill?”  

Kenny pulled a face.  

“I mean, it’s kind of nice to know that if someone were to try force themselves on Kyle he would just fucking deck them.”  

The blonde snorted out a laugh, lips twitching upwards at the observation. Kyle rolled his eyes, but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.  

“I’m honestly not sure where to go from here. I wasn’t expecting this, so…”  

“I’m sorry I punched you,” Kyle said. “I-seriously, it was just kind of…instinctual.”  

Kenny shifted uncomfortably. “It’s okay, dude. I don’t blame you.”  

“I-I don’t think you’re revolting.”  

Kenny perked up at the statement, blue eyes widening as he looked over to Kyle.  

“It’s-!” Kyle grasped at the air for words. Stan felt rooted to the spot as he watched the train wreck of a conversation continue. “I’m just mad because…because it’s like the only time I’m worth kissing is if it’s pretend.”  

“No,” Kenny’s response was immediate. “That’s not true.”  

“I know, it’s just what it  _felt_ like.”  

Kenny pursed his lips, considering the situation for a few moments, before his big blues settled on Stan. “Hey, do you think you could give us a minute?”  

Stan nodded eagerly, pleased to have the go ahead to  _leave_. “Sure. ‘Course man, I’ll be downstairs with Cartman.”  

He left the pair, shutting the door as quietly as he could as he heard Kenny’s voice begin to speak. Part of him wanted to hang around, try and listen in, but he trusted Kyle to fill him in on what happened. What he was comfortable talking about at least.  

Cartman was still as smug as anything when Stan got into the basement. “So, did you fix your boyfriend’s little spat?”  

“They’re fine, thanks for asking. And would you stop calling them that?”  

“Where are they?”  

“Talking it out. I figured I’d give them some privacy.”  

Cartman’s face took on a dark look. “If they have sex on my couch, I’m gonna kill you.”  

“They’re not going to have sex, they’re talking. Have a little faith.”  

Three of the children rushed over to them, watery eyes wide as they looked up at him and began asking questions, wanting to know if Kenny was okay, if Kyle was still mad, if they’d kissed and made up like Cartman said they would.  

Stan assured them that it was  _fine_  and that they had made up, and left  it at that.  

“Mama Kenny looked  _so upset_ when Papa Kyle hit him,” one of the girls gushed. “I was worried they’d get a divorce like Charlie’s parents.”  

“They’re not going to leave us in a broken home, are they?”  

“Are they coming back down to play?”  

Stan forced a smile as he crouched down. “They’re not going to get a divorce, but they do need to talk. You know, like adults do.”  

“Who’s gonna be our Papa now?”  

“Well, I’m not Papa Kyle, but I can be Uncle Stan and look after you while your parents are away?”  

The girls beamed up at him, and there was a moment where he felt like maybe he had things back under control.  

It took about half an hour before he lost most of that control.  

Kyle and Kenny didn’t return. He didn’t notice until it was time to put all the kids in their sleeping bags ready for a nap before their parents came to pick them up. He was impressed with how quickly the pair of them managed to wrestle the kids to bed, though that probably had more to do with the lateness than their skills.  

Cartman clapped his hands together as if to dust them off, a smirk on his face as he turned to Stan. “Easiest hundred bucks of my life.”  

“I guess it wasn’t that bad,” Stan agreed. “Compared to most of your ideas.”  

“It’s okay, Stan. You can admit it. I’m a genius.”  

“Yeah, whatever. Did Kyle and Kenny come back down?”  

The smirk fell sour. “No, thanks to  _you_.”  

“Let’s go up, they’re probably watching TV or something.”  

Cartman gave a disbelieving scoff, but allowed Stan to lead the way out the basement. They tread quietly up the stairs so as not to wake any of the sleeping children, cracking the door open and closing it lightly, not making a peep. Stan barely allowed himself to breathe as he did so, not wanting to accidentally wake any of the kid’s up.  

Cartman’s loud voice from beside him ruined the whole thing.  

“What the-?! I fucking told you, Stan, but did you believe me?! I warned you if they had sex on my couch I’d kill you!”  

Stan popped his head round the stairs to get a proper look at the living room, seeing the boys in question sprawled out across the couch. “Hey, hang on a second, is this why you guys weren’t down there helping us out?”  

Kyle spluttered indignantly at the accusations from above Kenny. “Screw you, fatass! We’re not having sex!”  

“Yet,” Kenny dutifully added, receiving an elbow in his chest.  

“This is unacceptable. You did half the work, so you get half the pay. I’m changing how we’re splitting the money.”  

“That’s not fair!” Kyle said. “I helped you loads! I set up, and spoke to all the parents! I did loads of work!”  

“Yeah, and then you decided to suck face with your poor-ass boyfriend instead of finishing your work.”  

Stan shook his head slowly at the pair on the couch. “I’m with Cartman on this one.”  

“Stan!”  

“ _Yes_.”  

Kenny raised a hand from his position under Kyle. “I mean, if that’s the case, why don’t you two go back down there and supervise naptime?”  

“Oh no,” Stan made his way towards the couch, swatting at the pair to break them up. “We’re going to watch a movie and wait for parents to come collect their kids. No more fooling around.”  

“Aww, are you feeling left out?”  

“I swear to fuck, Kenny.”  

With some push and shove the four of them managed to get organised on the couch, Kenny sliding onto Kyle’s lap to make space for Cartman, waggling his brows madly as the owner of the house made it very clear that the lights would remain on and there would be no funny business.  

When Stan glanced over half way through the movie to see Kenny’s fingers playing with the ends of Kyle’s hair, a fond look on his face as he watched the redhead who seemed none the wiser, Stan wasn’t sure he could honestly say he minded them slacking off a little bit.  


End file.
